hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
