the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
