Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I can't turn off my feet"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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