I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
