Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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