I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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