I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
