Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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