4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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