Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
