I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
she peed on how many people?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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