I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
