You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
