i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
