Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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