I like my sex mixed with concussions.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
