if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
