i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize