considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
