I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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