i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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