very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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