somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
