I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
