Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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