the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
