What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
