Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
