Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
