Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
