Me too!
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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