I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
