he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
