I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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