Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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