Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
