Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
