Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
