Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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