My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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