i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Well I just put wine in my tea
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
