Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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