my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
