i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
