I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
wanna go halves on a baby?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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