I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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