You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
