woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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