Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
