I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
