I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
40s are totally the cure
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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