Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize