I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize