in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Come share oat with me in your robe
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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