what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
