smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
