i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
