I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Randomize
