There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize