ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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