I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
