She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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