Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
