why im i the only drunk person in the library?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
