I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
