Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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