Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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