So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm sobbing to NWA
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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