my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
