My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
