The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
