Will you blow on my dice?
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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