You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i came on her dog
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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