Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
