she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
