does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
