Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
