shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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