Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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