had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just want to make out with him forever
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
