Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
3 2 1 whiskey
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
