It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
