The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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