i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
