420 ftw
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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