I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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