You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I currently don't understand fingers.
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