i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
