PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
