I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
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