do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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