btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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