If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
