when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
