he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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