I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize