God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
