"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
