I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
