Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
