I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
