I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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