Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize