i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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