i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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