Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
