nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
